An Open Letter to David Goyer

Dear Mr. Goyer,

I’ll keep this brief.

DC is ashamed of it’s heroes. Many people, including you, seem to believe that superheroes need to shirk off the childishness of the comic book age and embrace dark and gritty realism and false maturity. The kind of fake-ass ‘maturity’ that turns Man of Steel into a grey, lifeless murk where Superman absolutely must kill his first villain, and then in the very next scene smiles brightly while someone makes a joke about how sexy he is. And yes, it IS false, despite your protests to the contrary.

Marvel embraces its own ludicrous premises and runs with them. They decided that the best way to attract an audience is to charge into the comic book silliness of superheroing with wild abandon. The kind of abandon that turns the Guardians of the Galaxy (one of those so-called D-Listers you seem to despise so much) into an actual movie. Any dumbass can make a Superman film and sell it for millions – Guardians features a TREE that can only say three words, and a raccoon who’s dating an otter.

And one of the stars of Doctor Who – who the fanbase liked, by the way – shaved her head and painted herself blue to get into that movie.

See, maturity is not when you decide to grow up and act like an adult – maturity is when you decide for yourself what being an adult actually means and hang whatever anyone else thinks. DC’s acting the part of an adult, Marvel’s being an adult.

That’s why DC is tanking and Marvel is currently all but printing money.

I’d have also pointed out the obvious, but by the time you read this you’ll probably have been told what’s wrong with your comments on She-Hulk a dozen times over, and I don’t feel like being redundant today. (Also, I am quite possibly the LEAST qualified person on this planet to talk about gender issues)

Sincerely,
David Louis Burton
A guy who once used the name ‘Bullsbomb’ and currently goes by ‘HalfTangible’

PS. Wait, if the only people who have heard about Martian Manhunter are lonely comic nerds who will never get laid why do you know so much about-…. think i just answered my own question there.

PPS. And Martian Manhunter is no sillier a name than Superman or Batman.

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2 comments on “An Open Letter to David Goyer

  1. Aleksei says:

    Great letter. I think that’s everything wrong with DC’s movies as of late.

    • halftangible says:

      It’s kinda sad. From what I’ve read and seen, the animated movies still do just fine, it’s the live-action ones that completely miss the point of being a superhero romp.

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